We are just over half way through the challenge of Dry January, with a couple of more weeks to go. I think I have handled it better than I imagined at the beginning. I miss drinking alcohol in the same way I miss a friend. It would be lovely to meet up and have a chat to put the world to rights, but it doesn’t have to be today, or this week, as long as it is not too far into the future.
This has got me thinking about my relationship with drinking and how helpful it might be to draw parallels between this and our relationships with people. You may recall my earlier post when I wrote about some of my teenage drinking days. They were long ago, sadly, and a lot of water has flowed under the bridge since then. I was trying to think of a more apposite metaphor to capture this passing of time, but I could only think of passing and flowing in terms not suitable for polite society.
While I have viewed alcohol as a trusted friend over the years, like in all relationships there have been times when we fell out. These were mostly when we were being too friendly – the times when the room would not stop spinning, the vomiting, the splitting headaches that I woke up to after a heavy night. In passing, it is interesting to note that if we experienced all these horrible symptoms straight after consuming a drink and had to wait until the next day before we felt that lovely squiffiness, alcohol would not pose the individual and societal challenges that it does. We call this the gradient of reinforcement – the quicker the reward is to the target behaviour, the more likely it is that the behaviour will be repeated.
It is thus no surprise that quicker routes of drug absorption are associated with increased addictiveness – injecting, smoking and snorting more rapidly provide the desired “hit”. Similarly with gambling addiction – fixed odds betting machines and one-arm bandits give instant rewards on carefully designed schedules (patterns determining the balance between wins and losses) that keep you engaged in the behaviour, compared with betting on racing or other sporting events.
Apart from a few periods in my life when I was clearly drinking more than was good for me, thankfully my relationship with alcohol has not become toxic. We are friends who can sit in comfortable silence for a while. Sadly, for many people this is not the case and they reach a point when they realise that the relationship has to come to an end. It can take a while for this to happen and, just like with other relationships, we tend to give the other person the benefit of the doubt, explain away their bad behaviour, say they didn’t know what they were doing – in other words, find ways of denying that things are not right.
If we think of giving up drinking in these terms, then it is no surprise that people experience a kind of grieving process. It is not just about managing the physical aspects of withdrawal, there are a myriad of psychological and social challenges to confront. What do I do with the time that used to be taken up with all aspects of drinking – the acquisition, the consumption, the recovery? What will happen in relation to my drinking buddies, to all those places I used to drink, all those situations (moods, places, and occasions) in which I used to drink?
It is because giving up drink entails such a radical rethink and resetting of one’s life that residential rehabilitation can be helpful. For people unable to access this or for whom it is not appropriate, then other sorts of support may be helpful – individual or couple counselling, group therapy, Alcoholics Anonymous. The focus now is not on the relationship with drink, it is on the relationship with others. Some relationships may have been broken or damaged because of the drinking, and it is about finding a way back if possible or desirable. Whether it is the therapeutic relationship with an individual counsellor, or with members of a group or therapeutic community, or through the fellowship of AA, other people take on a new importance, they are vital to the person’s recovery. These aspects form the basis of Social Behaviour and Network Therapy, in which the person’s friends, family members and even employers are recruited to be part of their recovery.
As a final thought about having a relationship with alcohol, there has been a long-running debate about total abstinence versus controlled drinking. In my work with people with alcohol problems, I used to let them choose their goals. For some, they were able to regain control of their drinking, but for many they may have chosen this goal but then discovered that it was not the best option for them. A good test of this was asking people to draw up simple drinking rules about how often and how much they intended to drink. If they were unable to stick to the rules (and how good we all are at making excuses for not sticking to our own rules about drinking, dieting or exercising!), then perhaps abstinence would be the safer option. In a way, it is like breaking up with a lover. Sometimes, you can remain as friends. Other times, a complete break is needed.
I hope you have found this post interesting and maybe even helpful. It was not so fact-laden as the last few posts. Whatever your situation, keep strong, safe and well. And remember – it sometimes takes courage to reach out for help, especially to those you love.
Alcohol Trivia Quiz
Yesterday’s answers:
1. Their breasts reputedly inspired the design of champagne glasses.
2. Laurie Lee.
3. The whole character of a wine, taking into account its natural environment – soil, climate, terrain.
Today’s questions:
1. What is chaptalization?
2. Who said “Basically, I’m for anything that gets you through the night – be it prayer, tranquilizers or a bottle of Jack Daniels”?
3. Name two types of Champagne glasses.
Understand Yourself Better 